November
2002
Women,
Changing on the Inside
By Gry Gambert |
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Thirty two women who have chosen to enroll in the “Meditation
and Mindfulness Program” live together in a dorm in the basement
of the Women’s Detention Center (WDC), a pre-trial jail. The 32
bunked beds have been painted white, and the walls are a cheerful yellow,
but there are no windows and the temperature reached 107° F this
past summer. The entire building lacks a proper ventilation system,
and reeks nauseatingly of cheap, reheated starchy food and boiled cabbage.
The bare, painted cinderblock walls amplify shouts from both security
and inmates, the clanging metal doors, and the noise level in the dorm,
in the entire institution, is so high that it is usually difficult
to
carry on a conversation, either in person or over the phone.
The WDC is a truly dismal place. “I would not wish this place
on my worst enemy” comments M, an older woman with a broken nose
and a scar from a knife wound across her face. She is held here, waiting
for her trial, accused of killing her abusive husband.
People are held at the detention center from their arrest until they
have been sentenced, unless they are granted and can post bail. Most
of the women I come in contact with have been granted bail, but have
no money. Women account for only 16 percent of the population in the
pre-trial detention center, but are responsible for 32 percent of the
violent acts that are committed here. Ideally, there is not much waiting
time between arrest and sentencing, but in reality, women spend weeks
and months, sometimes 15 months and more, waiting for sentencing. Violence
among the women is rising. In an effort to turn the tide of violence,
the administration has decided to try a pilot meditation program.
The Meditation and Mindfulness program is only about a year old, and
is still developing. The women who have chosen to participate are given
a five week course in mindfulness and meditation. A weekly yoga class
is part of the program, and so are parenting classes. Volunteers lead
meditation two evenings a week. The meditations we use are tried and
true, 2500 years old, adapted from Zen and Theravada Buddhist traditions.
So are the Five Mindfulness Trainings we use, but no reference is made
to Buddhism or any other religion in the course. All of the meditations
used allow the practitioner to develop awareness of the present moment.
We talk of meditation in terms of:
• Stopping. Sitting down (or lying down), stopping talking and
movement.
• Calming. Our minds and bodies and emotions naturally calm down.
• Healing. The mind, body and emotions are naturally healed and
nourished.
• Insight. Silent awareness allows us to see ourselves clearly.
• Transformation. Seeing clearly and owning up to our own actions
and habits, transformation occurs.
The women themselves tie the practices they learn into their own religious
and spiritual lives, naturally and beautifully. S writes: “The
reason I stay in the program is because it has helped me with a lot
of my inner side that I never took notice to. And I still need help
with some more things. My attitude is better. I know now to stop and
think about the other person or people and I don’t just react.
I have gained a lot of courage without any fears. I know that I’m
a strong black woman with a big heart, full of hopes and dreams that
I can achieve. I can accept NO now, and keep my faith, nothing is impossible.
I can try to be a better mother which my God has created me to be with
his love and the understanding he has for everyone. I have overcome
and learned to accept some things now, because I’m not afraid
to open up and speak out. I now say what I need and not what I want.”
I am a Zen Buddhist and meditation teacher. I became involved with this
program when a prison administrator contacted the Buddhist community
in our city, looking for a meditation teacher and volunteers for their
new program. Twice a week, for two hours, I meet with the women in a
classroom on the second floor of the prison, and we meditate together.
I come early enough to set up the room before the women arrive: I turn
the harsh, overhead lights off. There are no windows in the classroom,
only narrow openings in the wall, covered with slats, so even in the
middle of a sunny day, there is twilight in our meditation room. I push
the molded plastic and metal chairs into a big circle along the walls,
sit down on a meditation pillow in the middle of the room, and wait
for the women to arrive.
By now many of them have learned to enter the room quietly, to greet
me silently, and to settle right down on the floor or in a chair. When
someone forgets to be quiet, she is reminded by others, in a low voice: “Mindfulness.” When
everyone has arrived, we start either a guided meditation or a silent
sitting, and we focus on our breath
with full awareness, hold our attention mindfully, bodies and minds
still but alert. The room becomes so quiet. No one moves. In this concentrated
awareness, we are surrounded but not disturbed anymore, by the noisy
insanity of the prison. We hear and let go of the angry verbal fight
in the hallway outside, we hear and let go of an officer entering the
room and calling someone out, by number, not name. We hear and let
go
of the din from the huge compressor working outside.
C is a victim of childhood abuse and has been an addict for years.
She described herself as “a very angry person” when she entered
the program. She never spoke much, but over the weeks she softened up,
began to smile and to participate in class discussions. Invited to talk
to women new to the program about what she herself got out of it, she
answered: “In the beginning I didn’t get it at all. I thought
it was stupid. But now, for the first time in my life, I see that I
don’t have to act on my impulses. I just sit quietly and let go
of all the bad stuff that comes into my head.” When her court
date came, she was not given a prison sentence, but drug rehabilitation.
She has a chance to stay off drugs and face the rest of her life sanely.
When our first 30 minute meditation period is over for the day, we turn
some of the lights back on, and share and discuss written journal assignments.
When the women enter the program, they are given a workbook and a list
of Five Mindfulness Trainings to practice with and study while in the
program:
1) I take it as my practice not to kill, but to honor, protect and nourish
life.
2) I take it as my practice not to steal, but to be generous and share
my time and resources with those in need.
3) I take it as my practice not to lie, gossip or use words to harm
others, but to speak truthfully and mindfully.
4) I take it as my practice to abstain from sexual misconduct and carelessness,
to protect myself and others from sexual disease, abuse and harm, and
to honor and protect committed relationships.
5) I take it as my practice not to intoxicate myself, but to keep my
mind clear and my body clean of intoxicants.
Some of the written assignments, like a journal of “Pleasant Events”
are delightful to share, as the women are learning to appreciate simply
being alive, moment by moment; in the sticky, oppressive heat of the
summer, D wrote so vividly of the pleasures of a cool shower that she
got a standing ovation from the rest of the women! Eating a piece of
fresh fruit, receiving a letter, a visit from mom, sharing something
painful in class and getting respect and support‚ all goes into
the Pleasant Events journal and is shared and enjoyed by the whole
group.
The journal entries dealing with drug abuse and sex are often quite
painful, for the women both to work on and to listen to. Most of the
women in the program are drug addicts, many are prostitutes, and a shocking
number are the victims of child abuse and incest. Many have never addressed
their pain before, and we are all learning to quiet down to see ourselves
and others clearly, and to listen deeply. We often cry together.
We end every class with a guided Loving Kindness meditation. Holding
first self, then loved ones, later difficult people in the mind, we
slowly learn to generate love, kindness, compassion and forgiveness
and to direct them towards self, others, loved ones, difficult people.
Over and over again, day after day, week after week, we practice mindfully
letting go of anger, hatred, revenge and prejudice, and generating
peace
and loving kindness in its place. This is everyone’s favorite
part of the class. The women leave with smiles on their faces, hugging
me goodbye, and offering to carry my cardboard box of supplies down
the dark staircase.
The women have started to ask how they can continue their meditation
and mindfulness practice after they are released. Many want their children
and grandchildren to learn, hoping to help end a cycle of addiction
and violence. I have real hopes for these women and their children.
They are a joy to work with. They have valuable qualities that should
be nourished and developed. Many, perhaps most, of the women in WDC
have been arrested for relatively minor crimes related to their addiction.
I believe society as a whole would be much better served by treating
them vigorously and giving their children preventive care, rather than
by locking them up. A small group of volunteers is trying to start meditation
groups in cooperation with established service organizations that the
women and their families can join after release. We hope these groups
will prove to be the beginnings of a network of peaceful and empowering
self help groups for women and their families.
Gry Gambert has been practicing Zen for the last
20 years. For information about meditation and mindfulness practice
in prisons, contact Kanromon Practice Group at lgop@aol.com
or visit homepage.mac.com/bdgzendo/prison.html.
Suggested reading: on meditation and mindfulness, Full Catastrophe
Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn; and on Loving Kindness meditation,
Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness by Sharon Salzberg.
