August
1996
What,
No Meat? A Feast of Fabulous Fakes
By Martin Rowe
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Consider this. On the advice of a doctor,
a woman concerned about the health of her meat-loving husband orders
35 cases of (vegan) Boca Burgers. Apparently he loves them for,
shortly afterwards, she orders 35 more. Is this a vegan fantasy?
No, my friends, it is not. It happened. And if I tell you that
the doctor is Dean Ornish, the woman Hillary Rodham Clinton, and
the consumer of no fewer than 140 Boca Burgers the President of
the United States, then one can only reach one conclusion: fake
meat has arrived.
What exactly is fake meat? Well, for the purposes of this article
it's anything that has a chewy texture, (possibly) a smoky,
burnt flavor and
provides a dish with the full-bodied weight or heft that unreconstructed
meateaters say they couldn't do without. We do, of course, have something
of a definition problem here: for those who don't like the idea of meat
in the first place, referring to one's food as "fake" makes it sound
like a mere substitute for the real thing, Perhaps they're right - that
it is something of a fraud that perpetuates the idea that where there's
meat there's mirth, and that meat's the genuine article, it has strength,
real flavor....
But wait a minute!
I know the President is not known for his self-restraint, but
anyone who eats 140 Boca Burgers is having himself a great
time. After all,
it can work the other way round: perhaps President Clinton simply enjoys
the fact that he can have a great tasting burger with no cholesterol,
no fat, and few calories. In some ways, vegetarians are pulling the rug
out from under the feet of those who claim that the only reason they
can't give up meat is that they just love its taste and feel between
their teeth. So, whatever you feel about the "fake"ûissue, meat alternatives
offer a great way for people to make the transition that might just save
that cow or pig. Here, then, is the rundown of the offerings, the tastes
and where to find them.
Burger Boogie
Boca Burgers, as no doubt the President would say, have a smoky
and chewy texture, and they fill you up. But the White House or
any house for that
matter doesn't have just Boca Burgers to choose from. There is the great-tasting,
slightly spicy Natural Touch Vegan Burger, which like a Boca Burger has
fewer than 85 calories and no fat. (The slight down side of these, and
other vegan burgers, is that they are often high in sodium.) Then, of
course, there is the multi-form Gardenburger. For those in transition
there are Gardenburgerå, GardenburgerMexiÛ, and Gardenburger VeggieÛ,
which contain anything from trace elements to substantial amounts of
dairy. For vegans there is Gardenburger VeganÛ. Both Gardenburgers and
Boca Burgers are widely distributed. I came across the former in the
tiny former ghosttown of Jerome, Arizona, 8,000 feet above sea level,
where the only eatery open was unpromisingly called the Haunted Hamburger.
Gardenburgers are on the menus of over 29,000 foodservice outlets throughout
the U.S., Canada, and abroad (check out your local diner) while Boca
Burgers are sold in over 140 subway shops in Florida alone. When you
add to these burgers, lentil burgers, tofu burgers, harvest burgers,
Natureburgers, Worthington's Better 'n' Burger and Green Giant's Harvest
Burger, among others, you can begin to get a sense of the varieties of
ready-made and mix-your-own burgers exploding into the marketplace.
Sausage and Wiener Fest
Anyone who has seen the poster, "What's in a hot dog?" will know that
hot dogs are the most unappetizing of foods Êûrequiring lashings of mustard
or ketchup to disguise the eyeballs, ears, and tails of cows and pigs
that partly constitute the dog. Now if the thought of chowing down on
pig's anus is less than appetizing, you can still fill your roll with
something chewy. This writer's favorite are TofuPups, which are best
baked, although don't do too badly when boiled; they're also great on
a barbecue grill. Lightlife SmartDogs are a little blander, but, like
TofuPups, they maintain their consistency. For those who like a little
spice, Lean Italian Links, from the people who brought you SmartDogs,
are thick, very flavorful and satisfying, particularly for those with
fond memories of weekend breakfasts of long ago that featured Jones Park
Sausage links. Yves Veggie Chili Dogs have a good if soft consistency,
as do their Tofu Wieners, although both are somewhat sweet. As you can
imagine, there is a GardensausageÛ, although it is not vegan. Gardendogs
(no relation as far as I can tell) are vegan, however, and taste great
- although, again, those watching their sodium content should beware.
Watch out for Fakin' Bacon as well. It can be addictive: smoky, crispy,
and a great complement for salads, "burgers," and brunch.
And that's not all....
All of this is just a taster of what's out there. It doesn't even begin
to touch what you yourself can do in your kitchen with these newly discovered
or rediscovered protein sources. Tofu is now so well known that it's
in just about every supermarket. Tofu is soy bean curd, basically soymilk
without the liquid. As even a cursory look around these pages will show
you, you can do anything with tofu. It may look bland, but that's merely
a disguise for its versatility and ability to absorb any flavor it's
exposed to.
Tempeh is merely cultured soybeans and has a more seriously chewy and
smoky flavor. Like seitan, which is a form of wheat gluten, tempeh is
used in Asian restaurants for fake meats. Seitan is high in protein and
is made from whole wheat flour and water. Like tofu, it is amazingly
versatile and turns up in sandwiches as well as stir fries. For those
who like the taste and texture of minced meat, the answer is TVP (or
textured vegetable protein). Very low in fat, TVP bulks up a meal nicely.
Apparently, Linda McCartney is a big fan.
Say Cheese... Sort of
Sticking my neck out on this one, I will venture to say that if you're
looking for a non-dairy cheese that really tastes like dairy cheese,
you will be disappointed. That being said, given that dairy cheesemakers
have been at it for millennia, it's phenomenal what's been produced in
the realm of alternatives over the last few years. A favorite of mine
is Vegan Rella, which comes in a regular Italian style and a spicy Mexican
spiced alternative that wrinkles the salivary glands just like dairy
cheese does. With ingredients such as Brazil nuts, sun-dried tomatoes,
and basil (among other things) Vegan Rella has a distinctive and delicious
taste, although it tends to be rather crumbly. What may be missing here
is what makes Soy Singles from Soymage stay together: carrageenan, a
form of sea vegetable that has a binding effect on food and is a staple
of non-dairy and fake-meat products. Soy Singles advertise themselves
as having no lactose and casein (a milk protein); this is important,
since both Tofu Rella and the intriguing Hemp Rella contain casein, and
Soya Kaas contains caseinate and lactic acid. Nevertheless, there are
more products coming on to the market: one is Tofutti Better than Cheese,
a modest little number which attempts to mimic cream cheese. It certainly
spreads on smoothly and has a good if soft, almost whipped consistency.
It is, though, a little sweet, as if the producers think they need to
pack the flavor. This sweetness makes Better than Cheese seem more like
dessert than dinner.
Yogurt and Ice Cream
Prospects for those who want their non-dairy to taste just like
their dairy are much better when it comes to yogurt and ice cream.
Rice Dream
has a whole bunch of flavors and is duking it out with Tofutti for ice
cream dream team. Again, readers will have to judge for themselves comparative
levels of sweetness; although Rice Dream gets this writer's vote. All
ice creams tasted have the texture and, remarkably, much of the creaminess
of dairy ice-creams, and freeze just as well. Yogurt is still something
of a growth (!) area: White Wave Dairyless yogurts come in a number of
standard flavors (e.g. strawberry and vanilla), and are suitably smooth,
thick, and as satisfying as "the real thing."
Keep Hope Alive
Most of the products included in this brief survey contain no animal
products. But, so ubiquitous are animal bodies in our world, that you
have to be careful. Watch out for gelatin (the boiled bones, skins and
tendons of animals), honey (not as benign an industry as you would think),
and those nasty E numbers which sometimes disguise the presence of animals.
E904, for instance, is beeswax, and E120 is cochineal which is, wait
for it, the dried body of a Mexican insect. Wine and beer are often refined
using the swim bladders of fish (isinglass) while potato chips are often
made with whey (curdled milk residue).
Be careful not to beat yourself up about all of this. The range
of foods available - burgers, bacon, cheese and desserts -
should encourage you
to recognize that one of those common concerns about becoming a vegetarian
or vegan ("But what about protein?") need not be a worry. And, if nothing
else, it should encourage all of us to acknowledge that the meat- and
dairy-less menu is a more and more regular occurence. Why, at Candle
Cafe on the Upper East Side, you can even tuck into the Bacon Double
Cheeseburger (made of soybeans, water, porato starch, soy fiber, natural
vegetable flavors and other things) garnished with Fakin' Bacon, made
largely of fermented soy beans. Bacon Double Cheeseburgers at a vegan
restaurant?! Shall we tell the President?
Martin Rowe is the Managing Editor at Satya.
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